moving to word press...

so i got some email from blogger saying that it takes too many resources to support ftp push to your own web server. really? it's a finished feature and a stable protocol.

i doubt that is the real reason. i suspect the truth is more like this:

we acquired the company, cut the staff and now there is one engineer building and maintaining everything. 2 when we have an intern. since this is a free product with no guaranteed stream ad revenue, and worse you can use it to place ads from another network and generate revenue for the competition, business has decided supporting blogger is not a priority.

i get it. i really do. so that's that. one day soon, i'm moving this blog to word press. welcome back control over my favicon. I missed you. And secondary pages in the same template as the blog, i welcome you.

that is all.

a bit of bitchassness.

So, I'll admit it...I do, have a streak of bitchassness, that rears it's double standard having head from time to time. I accept this, and just try to remain aware of it, so that I don't inflict it upon you. whomever you may be.

So here's the tale, I don't know if I even want to admit this, but I want do actual work even less right now, so I'll go ahead and overshare...

so this weekend, I was not snooping...we were unpacking our stuff from moving, and i ran across a framed photo collage of my fiance and his ex. and it had little initial beads glued on it. hold please while i puke. i'm not really the jealous type, but this was disgusting. glued on initials. as in me + u 4ever. the kind of shit you make when you're 22. and goofy. i resent that type of chick because i used to be that chick. in some ways i kinda miss her. the one that could jump into love without reservations. but the older, wiser, cynical me, just will never sit down and glue some letter beads on a picture and say, this is us, i heart u. well, i could, but it would be totally sarcastic. because i can't muster the naivety required to FEEL that way.

and that is the source of the hate. i've progressed to being an actual adult. but sometimes you miss the innocence of being well, innocent.

on another note to his credit, again, he has proved that he is well versed in the ways of the game. when i found the photo, i realized, i must say something to him about this now, otherwise in a fit of bitchassness, i will either

1: throw it out, or
2: go ape shit on him about something trivial, and be so embarrassed about my bitchassness that I never admit to him that my being mad about, oh him forgetting to buy OJ, was REALLY my being mad about the photo, and the fact that her 22 y/o innocence is reflecting my own 30 year old snark back to me. and i don't like it. Much too Dr. Phil, so i decide to cut to the chase...i popped in to his office and ambushed him. i set it in front of him and said, take this to your mom's house.

not get rid of it. it might be sentimental. who am i to say get rid of your memories, but the message was clear - despite you paying for the majority of this house, get that shit out of my house. i know, i was acting like a dog pissing on her territory...oh well. a framed i heart u 4ever photo is verbodden. bearing you two children gives me that right.

and here is where he proves he is not game goofy...without missing a beat, before i could even say some smart ass comment, he said, oh okay. i didn't even remember i had that. but his tell was his little smirk. it flashed on his face. quickly, but i saw it. and it said, ah shit...she found that, and i'm amused that it bothers her. he knew he had it. he only has a FEW boxes of stuff. of COURSE he knew. it's a fucking framed photo montage of the 'good times'.

is it possible to hurt yourself rolling your eyes?

i didn't know i had that...as if.

like him, i'm not game goofy either, but he left me with nothing valid to say. there was no explanation of it for me to respond to. no slip of the tougue, ahh so and so... not one thing my i could take too seriously and twist to suit my needs w/out seeming crazy.

so i left. i was still bothered. but he won, i was silenced.

But not defeated. So, when i came back to check on that thing an hour later, it was gone. that fast. and there was i, robbed of my chance to be just a little bitchass.

as for the fate of the photo? i think it's in his safe. safely out of my line of sight. where i'll only find it upon his death, and in his mind, i'm sure he's like, f-it i'm dead, and even so, even from beyond the grave, i do what i want.

but anyhoo...for the record...

it's AW <3 KHM 4ever. consider this your bedazzled framed photo.

damn, if i didn't let my own bitchassness get in my way, i would have replaced the letters with my initials and put it back for him to find later...with one additional photo...a photo of me, all fat bellied and pregnant, with baby #1 shaking out his wallet. now that would have been great.

anyhow, time for my sage advice...pause before you act. plan shit out. don't let your bitchassness get in the way of true greatness.

these are the tales...

so i have a collection of my um, antics from my early and mid 20s. I decided to write them down, since in private, I had a very interesting life. Actually, it was because nearly everyone around me kept telling me that i need to write a book.

so it's written. for the most part.

but it's dirty. not gossipy though. names are changed to protect the wicked and guilty and fun. but the problem is, i can't really publish a book and hide MY identity. i do have this thing called a day job to think about. So its sitting there. waiting to entertain you with my adventures, triumphs, mistakes and grey goose induced delusions of grandure. But it's not really a tell all. mainly because i was drunk. i don't remember it all. It's more of a david sedaris style commentary on the ridiculousness that was my life.

now, being almost 30, with two kids living in the burbs, it's almost hard to relate to that girl. that young, passionate, interesting girl. who my friends miss dearly. who was replaced by she who pays the mortgage.

but let me not put that spin on it...that girl is not gone. and the responsible girl was always there.

which is why i think i just might, come to terms with my own fears of letting you see how ridiculous i really am, and let you peek behind the curtain.

we'll see though.

happy new year

ahh, the new year. time for a fresh start. well, actually, if you know me at all, you know NYE is a non holiday for me. for two reasons...1- i believe in change and action in it's proper time, not on some externally enforced schedule, and 2- i avoid any occasion which calls for the masses to drink, gather and act an ass en masse. not my idea of a good time. i prefer to watch the highlights of such group insanity on tru tv.

anyhoo..on to my message of hope and prudence for the new year...

if you've been reading any real financial news, you're aware that the world is in an economic state that can best be described as an unstustainable shit show. taxes will be raised where there can be. fees imposed where they can be. and liberties will imposed on in the name of protectionism.

so, my advice is thus. take responsibilty for your sphere of influence now. wherever you are, take responsibility for your situations and creations. keep your nose clean...lest they tax you for some infraction...keep your savings and investments diversified, because who knows where they will strike...my personal opinion is that its only a matter of time before the cash sitting in your 401K becomes irresistable to lawmakers. huge early withdrawal penalties? taxes on employer matches? reduction of social security benefits if your savings are high? taxes for not withdrawing enough? taxes for not contributing? who knows what they will come up with. so that is why it's important now to not be paranoid, but to be defensive.

but back to this responsiblity thing. becuase i'm saying this for your benefit, not mine. we're in a time, where everyone is looking to the government to provide something. some right. something you deserve. morality and definitions aside, the current situation is that governments are cash strapped and unable to fund the promises already made. something will go unpaid. some promise will be broken. and it probably won't be to those with millions to fund election campaigns.

so as always, but especially now, it's best to do good in your sphere of influence. be a blessing to those around you. I didn't say become captain save'em...but i'll leave a futher explanation on that to your spiritual text of choice.

but most importantly, take responsiblity for your own life, finances and health. before the government breaks it's promises and you are forced too.

good luck in 2010. it's darkest before the dawn. and i do think it's going to get darker. but even so, the silver lining is that you do have control over your personal situations. choose stablily and security over frivolity and flights of ego.

that is all. happy new years. may you learn your lessons with grace, recieve your blessings with humility and have clear insight into the true nature of things.

hopefully this kid is a millionaire.

So, apple, despite being 'customer friendly' does not let you sync from your iphone to your itunes account. all in an attempt to prevent music theft. i'm sure this hasn't prevented one bit of music theft. but it did open the doors to getting music labels to distribute thier content. so...i see why this evil was necessary.

however, by not including this feature, apple created a market opportunity. there is this product to do it for you:
https://www.fadingred.com/store/

from what i hear, it was written by a high school kid, open sourced, and then snapped up by a software company and is now sold for $18. Not an unreasonable price.

hey kid, thanks for solving the problem of customers not realizing that even though your music is on your ipod/iphone that is linked to the SAME USER ACCOUNT, apple doesn't consider that a back up. so if your hard drive fails on your mac - which despite their witty ads claiming technological perfection, happens, apple does not care. you should have written your music to a CD...who even has CDs anymore?

and for providing an actual solution to what could be a very expensive problem (hundreds of dollars of music, held hostage), i hope you're a millionaire.

to apple. honestly, for what you charge for your products try to make your customer service and concern more than an advertising gimmick. from my experience, apple really does not care about anything other than feeding your desire to be trendy. and cool. and better than your poor friends who can only afford a PC.

don't get me wrong. i have a mac book. and an iphone. because i am trendy. and cool. and better than my poor PC owning friends. hopefully you picked up on the sarcasm. actually, the real reason is pretty mundane. i also have a PC and a linux box. i do web work and i'm expected to be in the know of all things web. i have to have access all major platforms, sometimes including mobile.

that is all. it's not that i hate apple. i just wish they were more like other luxury brands that understand that you know you are overpaying...and provide the appropriate service. free drinks when trying on wedding dresses anyone? gucci providing free tailoring and repairs. even if you are simply too fat for the dress. bmw covering all service and repairs for 3 years and a free loaner bmw while you get your oil changed. not a crappy old one either. it's an extended test drive, so they give you something good.

that is all.

a-dub out.

i vote, because i don't care.

you want to be fat. good for you.

run a marathon. good for you.

have consensual, no children involved grimy/wild/risque/whatever sex. again, be great.

i don't care.

no really, i don't care. unless you are asking me to subsidize your choice. or pay for your "treatment" later.

the only time i have an opinion that i will subject you too is when you have your hands in my pockets via "taxes to pay for services". now you have forced me to take a defensive stance, and have an opinion on your life.

So here are two charged political issues. I'll tell you my opinion on them. but don't get it twisted. i'm neither liberal or conservative. i'm "idontgiveafuck"

issue 1: gay marriage. for the record, i voted no on 8. not because it's "right" or "moral" or "fair", but because i don't want to be in a position to be able to say what is right or moral or fair for YOUR personal life. But what about the "my kids will be exposed to homosexuality" argument. well, my kids are exposed to your intolerance. they're surviving that.

anyhow, so for the record, i didn't vote for the moral choice, i voted for the your life, your business choice.

on to issue #2: BMI requirements in school. http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/11/30/lincoln.fitness.overweight/index.html. for me personally, i choose to stay in shape. but i respect someone else's choice not too. but here is where it gets gray...obesity is known to cause major, expensive health problems down the road.

if you are okay with taking responsibility for this, good for you. we still see eye to eye. if you want ME to take responsibility for this, via taxes to pay for your free healthcare, now you have forced me to care. i'd rather pay for my bentley then your triple bypass. no really. i'm not kidding. i really don't give a fuck if you die at 51 because your heart crapped out. just like i don't expect you to care if i off my self with goose and pills. both deaths are self inflicted and preventable. one is just so common it's become socially acceptable.

so anyhow, on this issue, i think what this school is doing, while a minor infraction, is a step in the wrong direction. Why put in extra administrative overhead to manage this. This isn't westpoint. Being in shape has nothing to do with the degree. Do i think they would be better off at a lower BMI. yes...but note the critical word there...THINK. i.e., it is my opinion. maybe they don't agree. but again, back to the guiding principle.

why inject yourself in the middle of someone else's personal choices.

i prefer to neither subsidize or criticize. put the information out there, and let people make choices AND accept responsibility for said choices.

busy bodies, go start a private charity. stop using public funds for your private crusades. in some cases they call that facism. oh, do you now get the obama is hitler references...not because he he's committing genocide. all presidents using public funds to benefit a subset of the population will have this comparison made by their more sensationalist opponents. stop falling for the shock value of it.

anyhow, this is too much common sense for one sitting. either you know this and have stopped reading, or you believe in taxing me to enforce your version of morality, and have therfore written me off as a conservative, selfish prick.

either way, you are free to have your opinion. just don't tax me to enforce it.

huh? did you say something?

my fiance is amazing at many things. one of them is his ability to completely tune me out while appearing to be engaged in a conversation.

most men, can do the, "uh-huh", "yeah", "hmmmm" form of converstaion engagement while actually not listening.

Kamal, can respond in full sentences. That make sense. And drive the conversation forward. All the while, he's actually not paying attention. For a long time, I thought he was just lying to me about not remembering what we talked about. Until he did it over something so normal, something with no emotional charge, something where there was no reason to pretend like he never heard me.

That's when i realized. His ability to hear me, but not hear me, is extremely advanced.

So the other day, he was playing video games. As a gamer myself, I know better than to try to have an involved discussion at this time. At best, you'll get concealed annoyance. So it wasn't an involved discussion. I was eating some ham and cheese and feeding some to the baby, and discussing with him what solid foods she likes. I know, all the men reading this are saying, there's your problem. He totally doesn't care. That's not the point of this post...

The point is, he was responding to the discussion. Which implies that you heard me. And noticed that me and the baby are eating a while package of deli meat in one sitting.

So fast forward and hour. We're in the car. He says: "you've got to be starving". I'm pregnant, so it's a reasonable thing to say. Except for the fact that I just had a sizable snack.

me: Not really, remember I just ate all that ham before we left.

him: hmmm, i don't remember that.

me: not at all? you don't remember me sitting right next to you, eating, and talking to you about what i was eating?

him: nope. you ate? really?

me: wow. either you really don't listen, or you have brilliantly bought yourself a get out of jail free card for all the times i get mad about you forgetting to do something. now, i know unless i get a written acknowledgement that he's heard me, he probably hasn't. Either way, it's genius. He's taken away my ability to reasonably get upset with him.

but I totally understand. I forget movies about 2 days after I've watched them. it's actually kind of awesome. each time, they are new to me. it also means movie quotes are totally wasted on me. i never get the reference...although i pretend to.

that's all.

you're free to forget this.

Generosity, grinch style.

So at work, we have a holiday gift drive. You know the one, where they have the tags up with a toy that some kid has requested...So that every kid can participate in marketing driven consumerism on Christmas eve.

Did you catch the cynicsm there? So what's that you ask? If i'm such a cynic, why do I support this 'charity'. Well, mainly because it's kids. Christmas is not the time for me to go preaching solid economic values to them. Here's your toy. I'll save my econ 101 lecture for another day.

So anyhow, here is my tip to the admistrators of this program for how to improve it.

Drop the toothbrush requirement.

Ya, you read that right...you have to buy the toy and then buy a toothbrush. I'm sure the program looks at it like this. If you're shelling out for the toy, a $2 toothbrush isn't a big deal.

And from that perspective, it's not.

So how about i just attach a $5 to the gift and keep it movin. I mean really, if ya'll are wrapping the toy anyhow, you can add the dental hygiene accessories. because nothing says christmas like a reminder to brush and floss.

Here is where the problem lies, here is my process for participating in the holiday gift drive. Note going out of my normal routine is not a part of this process.

step 1. grab a tag with something specific. no vague things like "action toy". tell me what you want.


step 2. order that specific thing from amazon.com. See how easy that is. You told me what you want. I got you exactly that. Rather than some crap I think you want.

step 3. have gift shipped to my house. If our mailstop system were less complex, I'd have it shipped to work. But I've never tried it before, so I'm not using this as my test run.


step 4. when gift arrives, remove from box, drop off at work. conveniently, the gift tree is right in front of the latte stand. So it doesn't even involve any extra steps.

step 5. enjoy warm fuzzy feeling of knowing i did something nice. for some kid that will grow up and vote to raise my taxes because he now expects nice things for free. ahhhh, there's that holiday grinch.

and no, it's not really hard to be generous, grinchy AND lazy.

so anyhow, if you notice, adding in step 3.5 - stop at target and get a toothbrush to attach to the gift is not on there Not really working for me. Yes, amazon distributes toothbrushes, but they come from other sellers, so they don't come with the toy. Again, too much work.

Okay, that is all. Here, in a nutshell is the sage advice...if you're asking people for a donation, make it as simple as possible for them. Don't go ruining a good program by adding in one complicated step.

Happy holidays.

p.s. if i go buy the damn toothbrush, can that count as my contribution to obamacare?

for the record...

if i'm ever in a state like this, pull the plug. if it's not that kind of a situation, lethally inject. i'm not so advanced a yogi that i could handle 23 years trapped in my own head.


http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/23/man-trapped-coma-23-years

a few highlights of my career

in the last 10 years, like most people, i've seen and done more than i can fit on a resume...most of which isn't directly relevant to the next job i want, so it's easy to leave off...

but here's my top 10 list of things i've seen/done. in no particular order.

1) Gone to a barbecue at bill gates house in mercer island. yes he was there. yes it was his real house. it's something he does with M$ interns. so yes, i was a M$ intern...way back when. I asked him how he knew leaving school and starting a company was the right choice. His answer is what KEPT me in school. I was not sitting on his opportunity, with his EXPERIENCE and his funding, personal and otherwise.

2) had a business reason to talk to execs at record labels. during my party days i was also doing a web consulting company. so i was able to go to some super swanky events and have something to say to oh, Jay Z when i ended up in the room with just him. Something that wasn't 'i like your music'

3) got to chat with Max Levchin about why he founded slide. how so? i interviewed there when it was early stage enough that the CEO would be involved in the hiring. when in the room with one of the founders of PayPal...of course I'm going to pick his brain about what he sees as an interesting business opportunity. Going to Y! over Slide was actually one of the hardest decisions, professionally, I've had to make. Two very different opportunities, both with major pluses.

4) Following Adam Blum around for a few years, doing whatever bitch work he asked me to. A lot of work, but a great career move because right out of school...you don't even know what you don't know yet. And I had someone willing to say, code this...trust me you need to know it. yes, big companies usually have some kind of engineering rotation that introduce you to this...but it'll take longer. Also, he has zero tolerance for bullshit engineers. zero. what's the benefit in that? the other devs he put me around, schooled me in something. i'm a much better dev today because of that.

5) Going to Berkeley. It's a CEO/Nobel Prize/Innovator/other kind of genius parade over there. get your head out of the lab and you have access to so many leaders in tech it's almost opportunity overload. Of the many people I talked to, I really appreciate Eric Brewer taking the time to discuss Inktomi and what was behind their success. Everyone sees the publicity and the press releases about successful companies and acquisitions, but being at Berkeley gives you the opportunity to dig a little deeper.

6) Taking Andrew Isaac's classes in Haas. I need to give him a call again to thank him. At 25, I was going thru career angst...which I'm really only working out now...I know where I want to end up...and I probably won't get there until around 40. But when you're young...and in the valley, that sounds like a death sentence. If you participate in his clases and his programs, you get your eyes opened to so many people that are where you want to be, including him. And in a non-hostile environment where they are receptive to answering your questions.

7) Shipped products that half the world uses at Y!. Really take the mystery out of it. I don't look at the web and think, i'm not yet ready...which makes me hard to interview. i'm like, you want to see if i can write stable code...here go to www.yahoo.com. there it is. next fucking question. and no, i can't recite to you exact fucking syntax for how to render an image in actionscript unless i just did it last week. so stop asking me questions an IDE will answer for you. </rant> if you can't tell, i despise sadistic tech interviews.

8) working in a culture of nice. nice only works, when it's balanced with extreme competence. nice + sub par engineers = failed execution. why is this a highlight? i've seen it firsthand. i know better than to be nice while the product fails in preventable ways.

9) bumping into the then CTO of intel while interning there. i didn't talk to him. it was the impression he left. his suit was not impressive. his head was down because he was in thought. in short, he was a tech geek. that's what you want in a CTO. CTOs that don't know and love and breathe tech are a total fail. save that for you CEO. winks. but i think that can be a fail too. depends on the rest of the team. and the VCs. i'm looking at you facebook. actually i won't be snarky. i've never met mark zuckenberg. he might be brilliant. and i might just be a hater. although i would have DEFINITELY sold for $1B. so i'm totally hating on not having the opportunity to consider a $1B offer.

and

10) seeing the silicon valley hustle first hand. if you think you've seen full of shit you should see some of these start ups 'value propositions'. but the difference is, they hustle for millions, and are smart enough not to brag about how they got one over. from a distance you think they really believe the bullshit they are selling. a few do, most don't. they just know the game. I had one tell he me how he positioned his company for an overvalued acquisition because he knew it was time to exit the market... Bravo. well played sir. well played.

So why did i subject you to this list? it's part of my continuing effort to count my blessings and remain in state of gratitude for the opportunities that life has presented me with.

that is all.