its all about the timing

so, the other day, a friend asked me

aliseya why are you still single?

and it wasn't so much the question that was interesting. it was the way it was prefaced...before she asked it, she said, i don't mean for this to sound offensive, but you're successful, brilliant, easy on the eyes, not a total b!tch (j/k she didn't say the last three, she just said successful) - why are you still single?

as a short answer, since this was on instant messenger, i just said timing. it just hasn't been time. however, given that a lot of my friends male and female have started to settle down (i'm 27), i'd like to shed some light on why it hasn't been time.

thanks to the many cultural strides that have been made in the last few decades, i, as a mixed race woman, have the choice to pursue any career i want. awesome. and i have taken advantage of this opportunity.

now whether it was harder for me (institutionalized discrimination, challenges of perception, george bush hating black people, etc) or easier for me (special programs to help women and minorities) is really out of scope for this blog - like how i dodged that one.

however what is in scope is that since i made the *choice* to pursue the career of my liking (software engineering), i also had the responsibility to learn the ins-and-outs of said field and do the necessary work. and this, took a lot of focus.

so, while i'm not anti-marriage by any means, i am only a few years out of grad school, which means that i have been paying dues, learning the field, and working hard. was i forced to choose between career and a relationship? not at all. not even implicitly. however, i only had so many hours outside of work/school to do something else. and for me, plotting on a man, some finger bling and a baby just wasn't all that interesting. sounds like something to do when i'm 30.

so, the point is, my being single right now shouldn't be all that surprising. its just a matter of timing and choice. and i've always felt that before i get married, i need to figure out my life as an individual first. and that's what i've been doing. in the two years after school, i've been doing me.

i suspect, were i a man, just 2 years out of school, it would have been assumed that at this point in my career it just wasn't time to prioritize starting a family.

so, long story short, why am i still single?

it's all about the timing.